Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
