I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
