but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
