I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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