You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
