hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
