Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
