It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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