This girl is more easily done than said...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
