Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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