yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
