Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
