We're facebook friends in real life
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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