the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
