considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
