apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
