Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
