every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize