My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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