she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
