ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
