PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
