Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I supernannyed him into submission
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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