i barfeds in our rink
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize