My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
