The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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