just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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