4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is it because I queefed?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
