So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
