Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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