highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
