I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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