On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
