Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We are all done wearing pants today
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize