Can i not drive my cunt home
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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