For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
