Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
