Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
