talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
