Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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