im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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