Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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