Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
