True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
