STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize