The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
