my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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