So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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