It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
