Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I forget how to act sober
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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