She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
