You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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