My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
