Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
