youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
