i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
