moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
only you would photoshop your dick
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
