I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize