Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
