Im at strip club and am horny
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
