we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize