Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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