i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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