no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
