In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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