So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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