don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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