i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
